Weigh too much. Can't do

Word or Excel. Still, I'm an

Excellent laptop.

You call me a pig.
Well, bacon's good and ham's good:
I must be good, too.

It’s quiet. Intruders
Gone. No prowling cats around.
Go to DefCon Five.

You’re just jealous. If
You could put your toes in your
Ear, you’d do it too.