I wear the costume
For one day. You pamper me
All year round: seems fair.

Little hummy birds
Can hear me coming when I
Wear a stupid bell.

Round, brown, little, short:
No wonder those who know me
Call me Tater Tot.

Swim my little ones!
For the dog that does not swim
Also gets no cheese.

Swimming in Lake Mead
Not because I like it, but
Because you made me.

With my curly tongue
I clean my nose and butt. Next?
That would be your face.

I may be a dog
but I'm not an animal!
Feed me proper cheese.

Weigh too much. Can't do

Word or Excel. Still, I'm an

Excellent laptop.

Little cousin dogs
Have skinny model figures:
For they eat no cheese.

As big as my head!

A bone like this has to mean

My mama loves me.

I feel like peeing.
If your paws were in water
This cold, you would too.

Let me clean your face.
To you it is sweat. To me,
Salted Human. Yum.

The full moon passes,
The time for baths approaches.
My dogs are so ripe.

You call me a pig.
Well, bacon's good and ham's good:
I must be good, too.

It’s hard to destuff
Blankies. You workout your way
And I’ll workout mine.

I am old. I like
The sun on my face and the
Stinky dogs far away.

In dreams I bark at
Evil: siamese, mailmen,
Random motes of dust.

Course I have big ears:
To hear cats and bunnies and
Plastic wrap on cheese.

You paparazzi.
No! I told you no photos!
Won't you ever learn?

Why do you insist
That this pillow is yours? I
Plainly own it now.