My cat is large. She

Has a Paw of Death. Still, I

Try to sniff her butt.

It’s quiet. Intruders
Gone. No prowling cats around.
Go to DefCon Five.

They call me "Hannah".

Because "The fat one who steals
panties" is too long.

That one wasn’t me—
That eye-watering dog fart.
Was it you? Good job.

It is afternoon.
Perfect time for naps, so we
Can wake you tonight.

I lie on my back.
You rub my tummy, till I
Sneeze right in your face.

Throw it, throw the ball!
I love when you throw it far,
then I lick my butt.

The cat is evil.
She chases me from the yard
When I need to pee.

You washed my blanket?
But why? It was just starting
To smell as I wished.

You’re bigger than me
But you know what? I bet that
I can eat more cheese.

My owners' mood is
Romantic—I lie near by,
and fart a big one.

You’re just jealous. If
You could put your toes in your
Ear, you’d do it too.

I eat off the floor
What just dropped? Maybe nothing
But it could be cheese.

I sleep in your crotch:
Your legs like a hot dog bun,
And I am the dog.

Bite my stuffed bunny!
I am the fierce hunter, till
It’s time for dinner.

Early morning lumps,
Under the blanket. Are they
My Chihuahuas? Yes

Why no, I don't know

Anything at all about

That spot on your rug.